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If President Obama And Speaker Boehner Were In Love And A Couple…

July 23, 2011

This is cute.

And too true.

After rarely courting over the previous two years, the pair had an intense summer they’ll never forget: a big outing, frequent dates (albeit with an occasional third wheel), shared secrets, furtive glances, grand dreams, their friends cheering them on. But it was promises, promises – all the time promises. President Obama complained that Speaker Boehner never wants to talk about problems – he just leaves. Speaker Boehner stewed that President Obama doesn’t know what he really wants, and keeps changing his mind. There were breakups and reconciliations. But they stayed together to protect their reputations around campus, and for the good of the country. The President gave the Speaker his freedom, figuring that if what they had was really real, he’d come back before long, and they could consummate things before going off on separate vacations.

Then yesterday, SPLITSVILLE. And we’re not talking moping, or regret, or private tears. They were so furious, they told EVERYONE. To make sure their side of the story got out, both of them went on live TV to spill all the gory details: the betrayals, the dalliances, an ignored phone call, an unhealthy obsession with the base, the failure to deliver at climactic moments.

In a 12-paragraph “Dear Colleague” letter to House Republicans after the markets closed, Boehner wrote: “A deal was never reached, and was never really close. In the end, we couldn’t connect. Not because of different personalities, but because of different visions for our country.”

Obama was left alone at the altar – scorned, fuming. “Up until sometime early today when I couldn’t get a phone call returned, my expectation was that Speaker Boehner was going to be willing to go to his caucus and ask them to do the tough thing but the right thing,” the president seethed during an epic dinnertime appearance in the White House briefing room. Pressed for details on the phone slight, he rubbed it in: “I’m less concerned about me having to wait for my phone call returned, than I am the message that I received when I actually got the phone call.”

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