As the nation participates in and observes Gay Pride Month it is important to look back and consider how we landed at a time when gay rights have made such strong and positive gains in society. During my high school years in the 1970s, no one could have ever considered bringing a same-sex partner to the Junior Prom. In fact, homophobia was so embedded that the hyper-male farm boys thought a guy wearing a necklace, or a thin chained bracelet was “so gay’. I never was able to understand why those same teenagers in literature class would say out loud that Shakespeare was ‘gay’. When I now see teenage males in Madison wearing light pink running shorts or learn of how inclusive classmates are with their gay friends it not only makes me proud of how much progress has been made in society, but it also makes me think about those people who made their small steps decades ago that have allowed so many to take bigger steps today.
Jerry Carlton was one of those courageous gay men who lived a life most worthy of comment. A life that impacted mine when I was a teenager growing up in Hancock, a rural and very conservative town in Waushara County. He comes to mind following a front-page article in the Sunday edition of the Wisconsin State Journal.
On June 6, 2014, U.S. District Judge Barbara Crabb struck down Wisconsin’s gay marriage ban as unconstitutional, prompting more than 60 same-sex couples to get married that evening at the City-County Building in Downtown Madison. Before Crabb put her ruling on hold a week later, 215 same-sex couples were wed in Dane County and more than 600 sought marriage licenses statewide. Gay marriage was reinstated in the state that October, and a 2015 Supreme Court ruling made it legal in all states.
The issue is especially relevant in Dane County, which had 3,138 same-sex couples in the 2020 census, the highest share among households in the state and in the top 4% among counties nationwide, according to the Williams Institute at the University of California-Los Angeles. Wisconsin had 17,651 same-sex couples in 2022, according to the U.S. Census Bureau’s American Community Survey, its share among households ranking 42nd among states. Nearly 56% of those couples are married.
Gay men and women would not be living openly today without the examples of people like Carlton who showed us how it could be achieved. Though I rarely talked with the man, and then mostly in later years when I had some reason to head to the village office, I still know Jerry Carlton as someone who made a difference to me when I was trying to see how my life as a gay person might be fashioned so to live happily.
Jerry graduated from Tri-County High School and The Art Institute of Chicago. He co-owned for over 40 years one of the most interesting businesses in Hancock, Brenton’s Antiques. He connected to the larger community with his intellect and skills while serving as clerk and treasurer for the Village of Hancock, which he did for 22 years. (My Dad, Royce Humphrey, who served on the Hancock Town Board for 40 years, often conversed with Jerry about local matters.) While all those were admirable parts of his resume what I thought to be of even greater importance in high school was his partnership with Michael Brenkus, which would last for 48 years until Carlton’s passing.
When I think of people during my teenage years who mattered in ways I could never talk openly about, Jerry was at the top of my list. As I write this morning on a rainy Monday, I am not sure he truly knew the full extent he mattered or the type of positive impact he made on others around him. He mattered far more than just being a local officeholder.
Growing up in that small town, when I was coming into my own, it was a huge relief to have someone in the community who, whether he was aware of it or not, served as a real role model merely by living authentically. I so desperately needed to see that it was possible to be true to oneself and find happiness in life as a gay man.
Jerry helped me to understand that being gay was nothing strange or unusual, nor was it a reason to keep me from achieving my goals in life. I valued knowing despite the harsh stereotypes I had to battle in high school, there was so much more to life upon graduating. One of my teachers, the one who taught literature that was so ridiculed by some of the others, wrote me a note that I have always kept. He told me to just “hang on” as so many better days were coming after graduation when I would leave the ones who tormented me far behind.
When a teenager there was only one television show, and sadly so, that had a gay character. It was the ABC comedy, Soap. The writers had made him a caricature that fit the then bandwidth for what Middle America could ‘handle’ at the time. I knew as a teenager that such limitations and connotations by others simply would not be acceptable or compatible with the adult life I wished to live. I guess some of my strong advocacy for change started when watching Billy Crystal play the role of Jodie Dallas.
So, it was Jerry who proved, right in my hometown, that living life authentically could be achieved. Yes, there were rights to fight for and social changes were needed, but I could see one clear example of a path forward. Let me be very clear when stating in rural Hancock in the 1970s that was no small thing for a teenager who needed assurance about the future.
Over the decades my life has presented many incredible experiences, but meeting James, the love of my life was the best of all. Our society has morphed and modernized with gay rights since my teenage years, and as a result that has benefited all of society. Living openly as a gay couple in Madison is seen as most ordinary. In fact, our being gay is by far the least interesting thing about us. That is incredibly important to write and know after what I saw, felt, and experienced growing up.
James and I have said over the years with our common day-to-day lives as a couple, if we impact a young person to understand themselves and their place in the world, we have done a good deed. I know such an outcome would be the best way to pay honor to Jerry Carlton, and in so doing help move society forward.
CAFFEINATED POLITICS 